A few weeks ago, I had an epiphany. Okay, not really a sudden epiphany, it was more of a 'finally listening to God' epiphany.
What can I say? I'm stubborn.
Anyways, I realized that if I'm unhappy in my life then the first thing I need to do is get things right with God. I've been resisting giving things up that 'made me happy' and God finally got through to me that they aren't making me happy.
So I'm changing. Or at least trying to.
And of course, there's so much to work on. First thing I did was go through and delete a bunch of friends from Facebook. I'm leaving a group that I'm part of because I don't approve of several members lifestyles. Violently disapprove might be a better phrase. I'm trying not to judge but I think that what they're doing is wrong. So, leaving that group of friends.
Other things I'm trying to work on: dressing more modestly (although my mom says I don't dress that immodestly to begin with because I'm always conscious of my tattoos), watching my language, being a better daughter and a better friend, praying more, going to church more often and paying more attention in church and...
I joined a Bible study group! This makes me super happy because I have so few Christian friends and it gives me the chance to concentrate more on God. So far, I'm liking it. It's a group of mid twenties to upper thirties women, and we're all in different places in our lives. But we still have a lot in common.
The first book we chose to read was "Unglued" and let me say, it is the PERFECT book for me. I have major emotional issues. I'm four chapters in so far - Have one more to read by Monday. Quote that I loved from the fourth chapter: "My issues are a part of the equation but not the sum total"
After making the decision to change my life, I go to church and the sermon is on Romans 12.
"Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect."
Do NOT be conformed to this world. That's the line that really spoke to me. I've been conforming. And I really need to live a separate life. I am one of God's chosen. And I need to show it. Proudly. And if I lose friends, I lose friends.
I'm striving to live a better life right now. And to walk with God, every minute of every day. Will I be perfect and never make a mistake in this walk? Of course not. But I'm going to try. Because until I get things right with the man upstairs, nothing in my life is going to get better.
"But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” the last part of Joshua 24:15
Showing posts with label life changes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life changes. Show all posts
Friday, October 26, 2012
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Life Changes
My life is going through a major change at the moment. I had been living with my boyfriend for about six months. Since we'd been dating for almost two years and were discussing marriage, it seemed like a good idea when my former roommate asked me to move out.
It wasn't.
"Beau" (as I've dubbed him on my sewing blog) ... has issues. A lot of them. I knew that he battled anger management troubles already and living with him, it just became more and more apparent how out of control he was. We would have the worst fights over the most trivial things. After a month, I started looking for a place to live. And I kept looking, quietly asking around if anyone wanted a roommate, checking Craigslist, checking Christian classifieds, checking apartment websites. Three weeks ago today, I finally found a place. A coworker said she had a spare room when I casually mentioned how miserable I was.
A few days later, I went and checked it out and we discussed becoming roommates. We decided to go for it and the planning began. My original plan was to move out without telling "Beau", mainly based on his aforementioned anger issues.
All that went to the wayside last Monday. We had a fight, and it all came out -- my plan to leave and how extremely unhappy I was. He said he'd get help, and took the first steps towards that goal on Monday, but on Tuesday I decided that I did need to leave. And I told him so. I did leave it open that if he gets help and gets better, we'd talk.
He's convinced we'll get back together. I however am not.
I want to get married and have a family and I want to live and love and raise my children in a Christian household. Even if "Beau" seeks help, goes on medication, and so forth, I do not want to risk it, especially with the idea of children.
I lived for two years and three months dating a man that I adored and loved but who was when it comes down to it, emotionally and mentally abusive. I cannot go back to that.
I hope that he does get help and that he gets his issues taken care of, but I cannot be a part of his life anymore.
Now that I've moved out, with the help of my friends and my family, and have settled in for the most part to my new place, it is time to turn my attention to getting my life back in order. I'm going to pick up more hours at my part time job. I'm going to start going to church again. I'm going to get my faith realigned. I'm going to try to read one chapter a night of a devotional book, I have several that my mother has passed on to me. (Last night's chapter was particularly applicable to me right now, I'll post about it later) I'm going to start doing yoga again. And spend more time with my friends. And generally just spend more time doing things that I like to do.
Even though I'm a bit scatterbrained, and my sleeping hasn't been the best, I feel like I'm handling this pretty well. I had a mini breakdown today, but that's not unexpected considering the situation. I feel...relieved, honestly. Like all this weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. And I like the way I feel - free of him and free to live my life.
It wasn't.
"Beau" (as I've dubbed him on my sewing blog) ... has issues. A lot of them. I knew that he battled anger management troubles already and living with him, it just became more and more apparent how out of control he was. We would have the worst fights over the most trivial things. After a month, I started looking for a place to live. And I kept looking, quietly asking around if anyone wanted a roommate, checking Craigslist, checking Christian classifieds, checking apartment websites. Three weeks ago today, I finally found a place. A coworker said she had a spare room when I casually mentioned how miserable I was.
A few days later, I went and checked it out and we discussed becoming roommates. We decided to go for it and the planning began. My original plan was to move out without telling "Beau", mainly based on his aforementioned anger issues.
All that went to the wayside last Monday. We had a fight, and it all came out -- my plan to leave and how extremely unhappy I was. He said he'd get help, and took the first steps towards that goal on Monday, but on Tuesday I decided that I did need to leave. And I told him so. I did leave it open that if he gets help and gets better, we'd talk.
He's convinced we'll get back together. I however am not.
I want to get married and have a family and I want to live and love and raise my children in a Christian household. Even if "Beau" seeks help, goes on medication, and so forth, I do not want to risk it, especially with the idea of children.
I lived for two years and three months dating a man that I adored and loved but who was when it comes down to it, emotionally and mentally abusive. I cannot go back to that.
I hope that he does get help and that he gets his issues taken care of, but I cannot be a part of his life anymore.
Now that I've moved out, with the help of my friends and my family, and have settled in for the most part to my new place, it is time to turn my attention to getting my life back in order. I'm going to pick up more hours at my part time job. I'm going to start going to church again. I'm going to get my faith realigned. I'm going to try to read one chapter a night of a devotional book, I have several that my mother has passed on to me. (Last night's chapter was particularly applicable to me right now, I'll post about it later) I'm going to start doing yoga again. And spend more time with my friends. And generally just spend more time doing things that I like to do.
Even though I'm a bit scatterbrained, and my sleeping hasn't been the best, I feel like I'm handling this pretty well. I had a mini breakdown today, but that's not unexpected considering the situation. I feel...relieved, honestly. Like all this weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. And I like the way I feel - free of him and free to live my life.
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