Monday, April 9, 2012

Romans 5:1-5

Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God. And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

Romans: 5:1-5 (NASB) - italics added

This is definitely a good verse for me today. Celebrate your troubles, because they bring you closer to God.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Life Changes

My life is going through a major change at the moment. I had been living with my boyfriend for about six months. Since we'd been dating for almost two years and were discussing marriage, it seemed like a good idea when my former roommate asked me to move out.

It wasn't.

"Beau" (as I've dubbed him on my sewing blog) ... has issues. A lot of them. I knew that he battled anger management troubles already and living with him, it just became more and more apparent how out of control he was. We would have the worst fights over the most trivial things. After a month, I started looking for a place to live. And I kept looking, quietly asking around if anyone wanted a roommate, checking Craigslist, checking Christian classifieds, checking apartment websites. Three weeks ago today, I finally found a place. A coworker said she had a spare room when I casually mentioned how miserable I was.

A few days later, I went and checked it out and we discussed becoming roommates. We decided to go for it and the planning began. My original plan was to move out without telling "Beau", mainly based on his aforementioned anger issues.

All that went to the wayside last Monday. We had a fight, and it all came out -- my plan to leave and how extremely unhappy I was. He said he'd get help, and took the first steps towards that goal on Monday, but on Tuesday I decided that I did need to leave. And I told him so. I did leave it open that if he gets help and gets better, we'd talk.

He's convinced we'll get back together. I however am not.

I want to get married and have a family and I want to live and love and raise my children in a Christian household. Even if "Beau" seeks help, goes on medication, and so forth, I do not want to risk it, especially with the idea of children.

I lived for two years and three months dating a man that I adored and loved but who was when it comes down to it, emotionally and mentally abusive. I cannot go back to that.

I hope that he does get help and that he gets his issues taken care of, but I cannot be a part of his life anymore.

Now that I've moved out, with the help of my friends and my family, and have settled in for the most part to my new place, it is time to turn my attention to getting my life back in order. I'm going to pick up more hours at my part time job. I'm going to start going to church again. I'm going to get my faith realigned. I'm going to try to read one chapter a night of a devotional book, I have several that my mother has passed on to me. (Last night's chapter was particularly applicable to me right now, I'll post about it later) I'm going to start doing yoga again. And spend more time with my friends. And generally just spend more time doing things that I like to do.

Even though I'm a bit scatterbrained, and my sleeping hasn't been the best, I feel like I'm handling this pretty well. I had a mini breakdown today, but that's not unexpected considering the situation. I feel...relieved, honestly. Like all this weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. And I like the way I feel - free of him and free to live my life.