A few weeks ago, I had an epiphany. Okay, not really a sudden epiphany, it was more of a 'finally listening to God' epiphany.
What can I say? I'm stubborn.
Anyways, I realized that if I'm unhappy in my life then the first thing I need to do is get things right with God. I've been resisting giving things up that 'made me happy' and God finally got through to me that they aren't making me happy.
So I'm changing. Or at least trying to.
And of course, there's so much to work on. First thing I did was go through and delete a bunch of friends from Facebook. I'm leaving a group that I'm part of because I don't approve of several members lifestyles. Violently disapprove might be a better phrase. I'm trying not to judge but I think that what they're doing is wrong. So, leaving that group of friends.
Other things I'm trying to work on: dressing more modestly (although my mom says I don't dress that immodestly to begin with because I'm always conscious of my tattoos), watching my language, being a better daughter and a better friend, praying more, going to church more often and paying more attention in church and...
I joined a Bible study group! This makes me super happy because I have so few Christian friends and it gives me the chance to concentrate more on God. So far, I'm liking it. It's a group of mid twenties to upper thirties women, and we're all in different places in our lives. But we still have a lot in common.
The first book we chose to read was "Unglued" and let me say, it is the PERFECT book for me. I have major emotional issues. I'm four chapters in so far - Have one more to read by Monday. Quote that I loved from the fourth chapter: "My issues are a part of the equation but not the sum total"
After making the decision to change my life, I go to church and the sermon is on Romans 12.
"Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect."
Do NOT be conformed to this world. That's the line that really spoke to me. I've been conforming. And I really need to live a separate life. I am one of God's chosen. And I need to show it. Proudly. And if I lose friends, I lose friends.
I'm striving to live a better life right now. And to walk with God, every minute of every day. Will I be perfect and never make a mistake in this walk? Of course not. But I'm going to try. Because until I get things right with the man upstairs, nothing in my life is going to get better.
"But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” the last part of Joshua 24:15