On the Eve of Lent

Happy Mardi Gras!

Of course, that only means that tomorrow is Ash Wednesday and the beginning of Lent.

My church encourages 'giving something up' for Lent, but we're not strict about it and we don't fast or anything like that.

However...I personally am FASCINATED by the idea of penance, fasting and abstinence. So I'm going to (planning to, hoping to):

• Give up soda. It's minor, but trust me, I really love Dr Pepper. Giving up my beloved soda is definitely a sacrifice.
• Work on a sin that's been bothering me. 
• I've been meaning to start working out, now seems like a perfect time to focus on it. And I just got a couple of friends together who are also working out so now I have a support group!
• And get closer to God. Work on our relationship. Because that is really want Lent is about, focusing on God.
• I have the Lenten booklet my church put out
• As well as a Focus 40 prayer schedule that I'm going to follow, also from my church
• And a Sunday bible study that I found through another denomination online
• I'm going to pray, daily, which I already try to do but it's going to be a definite focus for me. One thing I liked was the idea of giving up your lunch (fasting) to take a walk and pray.
• I'd like to go to church more, but since my church only has weekend services I don't know how that'll work. 

Since I'm focusing on my relationship with God, my daily Bible verse amused me today:  
Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. James 4:8 (NASB) 

PS I just volunteered for a Christian music festival this summer. I really feel that God needs me there, so I just bit the bullet and filled out the form. I've been agonizing over volunteering for a few days so it was a big step! and partially inspired by my Bible study group last night, we talked about doing what God calls you to do even if it's a step out of your comfort zone. 

More Bible Verses!

Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men,  knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.

Colossians 3:23-24 (NASB) 

 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’

Matthew 22:27-39

God's Plans

Do you ever feel like someone else is living the life you should be living?

I've been feeling like this a lot lately. And the other day when I was driving home from visiting my parents, the thought crossed my mind and I asked "God, why is she living MY life?"

And God answered me.

He said "Yes, she's living a life that you could have had, if that was the path I chose for you to follow. But I chose something different for you. I have plans for you that don't include that life."

Readers, this was just what I needed to hear. I'd been obsessing over this issue for a few days and really needed to get my head on straight.

Thanks, God.

Jeremiah 29:11 (again) - For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.

Luke 10:38-42

Now as they were traveling along, He entered a village; and a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her home. She had a sister called Mary, who was seated at the Lord’s feet, listening to His word. But Martha was distracted with all her preparations; and she came up to Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me.” But the Lord answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.”

Luke 10:38-42 (NASB)

The daily devotional this was inspired by implores us to do three things: (1) Stop worrying (2) Start praying and (3) Keep thanking God.

http://devotions.proverbs31.org/2011/07/when-worry-makes-me-wonder.html

Isaiah 55:8

Once again, today's bible verse from my daily devotion adds to my on going theme of God's plans.

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways," declares the LORD.

Isaiah 55:8 (NASB)

Recently I had a friend who was upset over the way her life is going. Since I'm not too keen on the way my life is either, I can sympathize. Knowing that she is Christian and was recently baptized, I just looked at her and said "God's plans are not your plans." And we had a little tiny moment of fellowship.

Do you remember my post about being unhappy about my life? About how everyone is married and having babies? Well, my cousin with only one child just announced that she's pregnant again.

And I find myself looking in a mirror and saying "God's plans are not your plans."

Weirdness

But its weirdness that proves God is listening.

Yesterday while talking to my mother about our family, I was mentally bemoaning my singleness, my childlessness.

You see, two of my cousins are married with children -- one wed ten years ago at the mere age of twenty and they've been blessed with two children in recent years; the other met, married and had a child with her husband within the last four years. Both of them are older than me, but my younger brother is also married although they haven't had children yet.

And here I am, approaching thirty, with a boyfriend that talks about marriage but who may not follow through and I'm still undecided whether I even want to have kids for a myriad of reasons. However if I don't have my own, I will adopt.

Thirty. Unmarried. No children.

This is not how I expected my life to turn out. At all.

And this morning, I open up my daily email devotional from Proverbs 31 Ministries to find "Answer Envy" -- when God answers your prayers but for someone else. When God tells you no, but someone else yes. She specifically mentioned miscarriages and having to go to yet another baby shower at church.

And I went, "Okay God, I hear you. Once again, my prayers are answered on your terms, not mine."

But as we've discussed before its such a hard concept to grasp. And even harder to follow through on.

Honestly, I'm not very happy with my life. I have a lot of debt, from school and from credit cards, plus my car. I work two jobs and can barely keep my head above water, let alone pay off any of my debt. Plus I can't find a job in my field so not only do I work two jobs but both are way below my education level. I want to get married but can't afford it right now.

And I know that God will provide. I know that He never gives me more than I can handle, even though it may seem overwhelming its really not.

But...I do have a family that loves me and helps when they can, even if its just sending me a Wendys gift card so I can eat a few meals. My parents' finances are worse than mine, but when I visit I never leave empty handed. My mother even mailed me a devotional book that I forgot to bring with me when I left after my last visit! I have friends that make sure I don't go hungry -- my awesome roommate and one of my best friends from law school. I have a boyfriend drives me crazy but who does love me and who does his best to take care of me, even though I tend to resist.

I know my life isn't horrible, I just wish that I had the job I went to school for and that my finances were a little better. I know that God will answer my prayers one day. I just hope its soon.

Link to the daily devotional that inspired this post - http://devotions.proverbs31.org/

Proverbs 16:9

I've been re-reading "Her Perfect Man" by Jillian Hart. Yes I re-read books I own, pretty frequently actually. And a few things stuck out to me.

At one point, the main male character says "I don't believe in luck. I believe in God." I think this is a great concept and something that I'm going to try to incorporate into my life.

And to go with yesterday's verse: Proverbs 16:9

In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.

More about trusting in God and his plans. Maybe God's trying to tell me something?

God's Plans -- Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. "

Jeremiah 29:11

This verse has sort of followed me for a little while. It was in a book I read -- I confess that I have a love of Love Inspired novels -- and in literature from an adoption agency when I was researching the possibility of adoption (which I'd still like to do someday) and in my daily devotional email that I receive from Proverbs 31 Ministries.

This verse comforts me. God has plans for me. I wish I knew what those plans were and sometimes not knowing drives me crazy, but He has plans.

One of the hardest things about being a Christian and one of the things I struggle with on a daily basis is giving everything to God and trusting that He has plans for me.